Oh God, it's back!

The synopsis.

The blankety-blank, you know what, fill-in-the-space-here-with-whatever-word-you'd-like, synopsis.

We all hate it-and rightfully so-as it sucks. However, I was under the misapprehension that as soon as I got an agent, my synopsizing days would be over. Yeah, turns out that was stupid of me. Had I have thought about it, I would have realized that editors, reviewers, and probably countless others would also want a synop, but I didn't think about it, and now, well, I dont' have a choice.

With any luck, it won't be a horribly long process as I have a synopsis already done, it's just not as honed and polished as it needs to be. But hey, at least I have something to work with.

On top of that, my left shift key broke this week and now only works half the time. How annoying is that! I have to go back and re-capitalize everything! Sorry if I missed any above, but i think i got them all. BAH! See! I'm leaving those two to show you what I mean. Annoying!


O-well, guess I'd better get started...

PS. - Any of my fellow Query Trackers noticed that that the little rejection face has been changed? It went from pissed off 'Grrr' face to a sad 'Aww' face. I don't know about you, but I think the 'Grrr' face was better, or at least more appropriate. :)

How much money will I really get?...

Too busy for a real post today, sorry. Be back soon, but in the mean time, anyone who hasn't read Mandy Hubbard's post about how much money writers really make, needs to check it out. Great info!

http://mandyhubbard.livejournal.com/249542.html

Talk to 'yall, soon!

2 Common Query Mistakes And A Little Inspiration

Philosophers believe that there is no such thing as the perfect crime, because the term 'crime' in and of itself is an imperfect thing. Not sure that I buy into that, as perfection-like beauty-is in the eye of the beholder, but I can tell you that I am convinced that there is no such thing as the perfect query.

Just like there is more than one way to skin a cat, (side bar: where did that saying come from? I mean really, was there a point in our history where we were skinning cats left and right and were looking for new and better ways to get the job done? Do they mean jungle cats, like for fur? I don't get it. Maybe I'll hit Wikipedia after this...) there are endless ways to write an effective query. There are general rules about what to do, which we all know. What surprises me however, is that there are general rules regarding what not to do, that countless agents have commented on, agreed upon, blogged about, spoken about etc., that are constantly ignored by a huge number of writers. Sure, we all know not to address queries with 'Dear Agent', and not to go on and on for pages, that's amateur hour stuff. What I'm talking about are the things that writers consider to be expected in a query, that agents actually hate. For example, number one:

The phrase 'I am seeking representation...' should appear nowhere in you query. Really folks - nowhere.I mean think about it, why would you put that in there? OF COURSE you are seeking representation, why else would you have sent a literary agent an email with the subject line 'Query'? You have just officially wasted five seconds of this agents time by stating the obvious. Top notch agent Uwe Stender has stated on may occasions that if the words 'I' or 'My' appear anywhere in your query outside of the bio section, he passes on you instantly. 'I am seeking...', 'I have written...', 'My manuscript...' 'I have contacted you...', and the like.
The Fix: Be creative! Show them right off the bat that you are worth your salt! Open with your hook, and work your title, genre and word count into your pitch.

Second mistake: It's okay if you don't have an impressive bio. The last paragraph in your query should be a short bio telling them about your writing experience. No, they don't want to know how many cats you have, no, they don't care that you won the county bake-off last year, and no, they don't want to know the names of all your grandkids. They want your name, where you live, and any relevant writing experience. If you don't have any writing experience, that's okay, just be upfront about it. Many people think that if you don't have a list of books, or a degree in writing, or something impressive, that you will get passed over, and it's just not true. Be honest, and for god's sake, be brief. If your bio section is more than four or five lines, you most likely have a problem.

Third mistake: Not Proofreading. Alright everyone, brace yourselves. I am about to give you one of the best boosts in your confidence that you have probably gotten in quite a while. Ever send out a query with an incorrect name on it? Ever say that you have attached the first chapter then forgot to attach it? Never fear, cuz I am about to top it. For those of you who don't know, my book 'Once Upon A Second Chance' (which was called 'Bibbity, Bobbity, Do-Over during querying) is basically a modern and somewhat whimsical retelling of the classic, Persuasion. The following is the third paragraph of the query letter that went out to 75 potential agents:


Jane Austin’s Persuasion, is one of my all time favorite novels, and it makes me sad that it has taken something of a backseat in the world of classic literature. Bibbity, Bobbity, Do-Over puts a modern yet whimsical spin on Austin’s classic love story, and serves as my personal tribute to that amazing, yet somewhat under-appreciated work.

Did you catch it? Yep, that's right... I misspelled Austen. Not once, but twice. My entire project is inspired by a Jane Austen work, and I can't even spell the woman's name. This letter went out to every... single... agent. Crawl in a hole and die, anyone? What's worse, is this letter was read by my mother, my mother-in-law, my husband, was posted on this very blog under the 'Projects' page for months, and is currently posted in my success story on QueryTracker, and no one has said a thing. So either no one has noticed, or everyone is laughing behind my back, either way, when I realized, I wanted to die. My tummy hurts when I think about how many potential agents may have actually wanted to read my stuff, but got tot hat line and said, "What the hell?..." Not that I am complaining as I have the best agent ever, but still, it's hard to find out that you have made a total ass of yourself.

So there you have it. At the very least I hope I made you feel a bit better about any querying slip-ups you may have made. Remember, there is no such thing as perfect, and any agent who expects it, you don't want to work with anyway.

Die For Me Review

First off, before I get to the review, I want to apologize to all of you who commented on my last post "Candy anyone". For those of you who don't know, Blogger went down for almost two days and when all my stuff came back up, my comments for that post were gone. As you know I do not delete comments, so I just wanted to say sorry to those who commented and make sure you knew it was not intentional.

So anyway, on we go...

Die For Me
Star Rating - 2 out of 5
(minor spoilers below)

Die For Me by Amy Plum was supposed to be great. It's a YA paranormal romance that got really good reviews and lots of hype, and I was totally excited to read it. I picked it up the day after it came out, finished it the following day, and have been mildly depressed ever since. It is basically Twilight in Paris without the romance of either the book or the city. Plum wanted to write another version of Twilight, and I say that not because the plot and characters mimic almost exactly the plot and characters of Twilight(which they do) but because the author actually comes out and says this on her website. It's under the FAQs page, look it up.

When I was looking up reviews for Die For Me, the only real negative I found was the fact that this new book was so similar to Twilight, just with a different supernatural being. As I like Twilight, this didn't bother me. However, anyone reading this book thinking it will have the romance, or action, or interest, or anything else that makes the Twilight books enjoyable, will be sadly led down. If Twilight is, let's just say Mint Chocolate Chip, then Die For Me is Vanilla. The Romance is there, but it's bland and unconvincing. The plot is there, but it's slow and uninteresting.

Honestly, the worst part about it was that it had so much potential! The whole reinvented zombie idea was great, and could have made for a great series, but it was just handled poorly.

As far as the writing itself, it left a lot to be desired. It wasn't emotional enough to draw us into the love story, and it wasn't descriptive enough to draw us into the action. She tried to describe Paris, but to no great effect. Honestly, she didn't write anything more descriptive than I could have and I have never even been there, while she has lived there for years. For instance, at the very end of the book, the main girl and guy are in a boat sailing down the river at night, it's the last scene in the book, it's supposed to be all romantic and beautiful, and  as the main girl is looking around describing the beauty to us, she says, "The City was lit up like a Christmas tree..." Really, 'lit up like a Christmas tree'? Paris? The city of lovers? The City Of Light for god's sake, and 'lit up like a Christmas tree' is the best you've got?

Overall, I wouldn't call it a bad book, but it's far from good. Definitely not the wiz-bang it has been hyped to be. Though the good news is if you are interested in reading it, it is on the shorter side and a very easy and quick read, and the cover is lovely. I will more than likely continue to read the series, at least the next one, as I do believe the concept has merit and maybe she will use the next book to take it to the next level. I can hope anyway.

Although this letdown now has me worried, as I have also bee looking forward to Starcrossed which comes out May 31st. I'm sure most of you have heard about it, it's the three book series from the debut author that sold in fourteen days to Harper Teen for seven figures. (Yeah, seven! Must be nice, right?) I have been anxiously awaiting that one too as it seems right up my alley; sort of a modern Romeo and Juliette meets Greek Mythology sort of thing. However, now I'm a bit more skeptical and hoping it won't be a let down as I don't think I take two in a row...

Candy anyone?

I wanted to introduce everyone to a great way to do character sketches if you are looking to give a boost to your routine. I have used this technique a few times now and it is very useful, and a whole lot of fun! Candy. Yep, candy. Let's get started shall we?

(Warning: Do not read if hungry, dieting, pregnant, or PMS'ing. Ye be warned.)



Let's start with the two classic Male Leads.

Dark, Smooth, and Cool
This guy is definitely a looker; tall, dark and handsome. Charming, charismatic and maybe a bit mysterious, and the sharp black and while means there's a good chance he's got money. The sort of guy you would die to see in a tux.
Think James Bond, Damon(from Vampire Diaries), Rhett Butler

Strong, Sturdy, and Dependable
This guy has more of a rustic charm. He is warm, strong, and reliable, and may have a a bit of a snap to him of the situation calls for it. You'd be more likely to see him at a bar with friends than a museum, and with him, family and friend will most likely come first. 
Think cowboy, Robin Hood, or boy-next-door type.



Next, let's look at the two classic Female Leads:

Attractive, Smart, and Always has a Back-Up
She is smart, sweet, stable, and consistent. She's got smooth, she's got snap, and she's got a figure. She might be underestimated, but take a look inside and there is more going on than you think.
Think heroine who is more than just a love interest for the hero.

Smooth, Sweet, and Often Costly
Dove bar ladies can be tricky because they can go one of two ways. The first Dove lady is the classic diva. Lovely, curvy, self-centered, and expensive, but really, deep down she is really no more than a glorified Hershey Bar. On the other hand, the second Dove lady is a girl who thinks she's only a cheap Hershey Bar, but deep down she is actually something more. It's up to you to decide which way this one goes.


Now we have the 'Take a deeper look' characters:

Unwrapped and placed next to each other, these three bars look almost identical, but once you open them up you can see what they are really made of. They may look promising, but on the inside:

This one's all fluff and no substance,

this one's got a few things going on, but there is no real depth or surprise,







and this one's the one with the most going on. It may have a common place appearance, but it has the most internal value.





Now on to the Hershey Bar group.

These are your secondary characters, the best friend, the co-worker, the brother, etc.

Uncomplicated and Classic
This is a person who is just what they seem. No bells, no whistles, just bare bones. This can be someone as important as a steady and reliable best friend, to someone's husband or wife that your MC meets one and knows nothing beyond their name.

Classic with a Little Something Extra
This is the person who seems unimportant, but may just be a bit more in the know than they seem. Not quite essential to the overall plot, but not in the background either.

Fun, Quirky, and Unexpected
We all know this person. The life of the party, the comic relief, the goof ball. They are there to have fun and make us laugh, or at the very least, roll our eyes.




This next one stands on it's own, but most stories have at least one of these people in them.

Has way more going on than meets the eye.
This character may start out being nothing more than a friend, or acquaintance, but ends the story being hugely important as in the villain, or anti-hero, or something like that. The person who has way more going on under the surface than meets the eye. Sometimes too much maybe, but stories can be made or broken on the backs of characters like these.
Think Professor Snape



Last we have our extras.

The people sprinkled throughout out stories to give them substance and depth. The don't always have names or faces, but they are essential to the overall feel of a book.

There are basically three different types:

Some are plain,

some are a little nutty,

and some are a little fruity!








Now, of course, no well rounded character will be only one of these, you will have a mix of candy for all your main characters. For instance, my main guy would be placed under the Peppermint Pattie as he is very rich, handsome, and charming. However he spent the majority of his life poor, so he also had a lot of the KitKat qualities. This is the way it should be for your characters to be as rounded and fleshed out as they should be, but it can help you to get a handle on things when you cut everything down to the bare bones and step back and look at it. This process also helps to let you know if you have too many of one personality type in your story. If you have a KitKat, three Twixs, and four Hersey Bars, that's not going to make for a very interesting story.

As an example, the book Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin. (I just finished re-reading it, so that's what I'm using, sorry if you haven't read it.) The three main characters would look like this:

Rachel

Darcy

Dex

See what I mean? (BTW: see the movie if you haven't yet, it is awesome!)



So there you have it, my character sketches. Anyone hungry?...

Anyone have a plot iron I can borrow...

Ever have a plot that looks like this...

...when what you need it this?

That's about where I am and it's driving me crazy. I know who my characters are, I know what I want to happen, I even know how it will end, but for some reason, something is off. It's almost like there is one large key thing missing and if I could just figure out what that is, everything will fall into place.


Does that make sense?


Problem is, I have been going at this issue for almost two weeks, and so far, no epiphanies. I have done all the things I usually do - notes, sketches, watched movies, make cookies, took showers, etc. (Yes, some of my best ideas come with during baking or showering, don't know why...) Yet still, I'm at a loss. Should I just start writing and see what happens? Should I wait for the last piece to come for me? I just don't know.


So I'm looking for ideas? What do you do when you are missing that one last thing?...

This is not mine, but it looks like an accurate image of
my brain right now and made me smile.

Editing Dance Party!

I am happy to announce that after over three months, my ms is finally ready to go! My agent and I have been editing like crazy, and I am 100% thrilled with the outcome. I figured that I would post some of my editing stats for those of you who are just starting this process, or who hope to start this process soon.(Or for those of you who are just nosey.)

First off, for those of you don't know, Track Changes are individual marks making me aware of misspelled words, wrong words, wrong punctuation, etc. Comment Bubbles are like Post It notes where Carly would say something like "I think this is in the wrong order", or "I think you should move the scene name here". Just wanted to clarify, as before I started this process I had no idea what either of those things were.

Okay, so here we go:

The manuscript has been back and forth between Carly and I 14 times. (seven on each side)
Over all there have 783 Comment Bubbles and 1,207 Track Changes (yeah)
The word count as gone from 69K to 74K and the chapter count has gone from 19 to 21

It took a while, but I couldn't be more thrilled with the way it has come out.

Just to show you that this has all been absolutely for the best and to give you an idea of what sort of changes I am talking about, I have posted my original first two pages and my first two pages as they stand now. Most of the changes are subtle, but make a world of difference.
I have pasted them below, the original is in Purple and the current version is in Green.

Original Chapter 1

No… no, this can’t be happening. This has to be a dream.
I sit starring blank-faced at the e-mail on the screen in front of me, trying to see past my pulse as it hammers behind my eyes. What started out as just another boring company memo for the Herstein Group, currently has me holding the edges of my desk in a wood splintering, death grip.

Group memos like this one find their way into my inbox almost every day, and are typically filled with nothing more than boring office news. An announcement about Sally-so-and-so’s upcoming retirement maybe, or a notice about Joe-shmoe’s birthday next week: nothing unusual or earth shattering. This particular memo started out that way - nothing worth panicking over. Until that is, I arrived at two little words in the second paragraph. Two little words that currently have a chokehold on my throat. 

Two little words. 

Nicholas Kerkley.

Okay, dream or hallucination? If I’m to be excepted to live through to the end of the day, it has to be one of the two.

We’ll start with dream. That’s easy enough to check, right? I mean if this is a dream, something else crazy will be going on, like one of my coworkers will be Paula Deen from Food Network which, in the universe of my dream, will somehow make perfect sense. Or I’ll open the door to our office and it will lead into my grandma’s house. Then there’s always the ever popular - if not a bit clichéd - ‘I’ll be naked’.

I look around the office - no Paula. The office door is open - no grandma’s house. Last but not least, I glance down at myself, hoping - yes, hoping - to find that I am only wearing underwear, but sadly, find myself fully clothed.

Alight, not a dream.

So much for plan A, but dream or no dream, this still can’t be real. It can’t be. It must be some weird hallucination. I’ll close my eyes, take some deep breaths, count to five, and everything will be fine. 

One… (breathe in……………… and out………………)

Maybe it’s the caffeine, I did have way too much this morning…

Two… (in…………… out……………)

I should know better than to order a large when it’s not de-caf!

Three… (in……… out………)

All right, that’s it, no more coffee, starting tomorrow.

Four… (in…… out…… in…… out……)

Please let it be the coffee…

Four and a half… (in… out… in… out… in… out… in… out…)

Dear God, please, please, please…

Five… (in………………………………..........)

…Damn!  (out.)

My screen still holds today’s company memo for the Herstein Group, and Nicholas Kerkley is still the only name listed under ‘New Client’.

I lean back in my chair and cover my face with both hands. This can’t be happening. Why would he choose this firm? Does he know I work here? Does he even remember me? After all, it has been over eight years. Dear God… is he married? Does he have kids? Suddenly, this picture pops into my head of him with his arm around some twenty-something, blond haired, blue eyed, beauty queen, as they walk along the beach, with and half a dozen adorable children running around their feet, all of them with her perfect hair and his gorgeous eyes…

“Jules?”

“Hmm?” I snap my head up to see Bree looking at me as though I have a second head.. Only now do I realize I have actually been hunched over in my chair, face buried in my hands, practically hyperventilating.

“You okay?”

“Oh yeah fine, just a headache. Face too close to the screen,” I say with a smile I hope she is buying.

New Chapter 1

I sit staring blank-faced at the e-mail on the screen in front of me, praying I am misreading the first two words in the second paragraph.

Group memos like this one find their way into my inbox almost every day, and are typically filled with nothing more than boring office news. An announcement about Sally-so-and-so’s upcoming retirement maybe, or a notice about Joe-shmoe’s birthday next week: nothing unusual or earth shattering. This particular memo started out that way, nothing worth panicking over. That is until I arrived at the second paragraph and came to the two little words that currently have a chokehold on my throat.

Two. Little. Words.

Nicholas Kerkley.

Okay, dream or hallucination? If I’m to be expected to live through to the end of this email, it has to be one of the two.

We’ll start with dream. That’s easy enough to check, right? I mean if this is a dream something else nonsensical or fantastic will be going on, like one of my coworkers will be Paula Deen from Food Network which, in the universe of my dream, will somehow make perfect sense. Or I’ll open the door to our office and it will lead into my grandma’s kitchen. Then there’s always the ever popular—if not a bit cliché—‘I’ll be naked’.

I look around the office: no Paula. The office door is open: no grandmother’s house. Last but not least, I glance down at myself, hoping—yes, hoping—to find that I am only wearing underwear, but sadly, find myself fully clothed.

All right, not a dream.

            So much for Plan A, but dream or no dream, this still can’t be real. It can’t be. It must be some weird hallucination. I’ll close my eyes, take some deep breaths, count to five, and everything will be fine.

            One… (breathe in… 2… 3… 4… and out… 2… 3… 4…)

            Maybe it’s the caffeine, I did have way too much this morning…

            Two… (in… 2… 3… 4… out… 2… 3… 4…)

I should know better than to order a large when it’s not decaf!

Three… (in… 2…3… out… 2… 3…)

All right, that’s it, no more coffee, starting tomorrow.

Four… (in… out… in… out…)

Please let it be the coffee…

Four and a half… (in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out…)

Dear God, please, please, please…

Five… (in…)

…Damn!  (out.)

My screen still holds today’s company memo for the Herstein Group, and Nicholas Kerkley is still the only name listed under ‘New Client’.

I lean back in my chair and cover my face with both hands. This can’t be happening. Why would he choose this firm? Does he know I work here? Does he even remember me? After all, it has been over eight years. Dear God… is he married? Does he have kids? Suddenly, this picture pops into my head of him with his arm around some twenty-something, blond-haired, blue-eyed, beauty queen as they walk along the beach with half a dozen adorable children running around their feet. All of them with her perfect hair and his gorgeous eyes…

“Jules?”

“Hmm?” I snap my head up to see Bree looking at me as though I have a second head. Only now do I realize I have actually been hunched over in my chair, face buried in my hands, practically hyperventilating.

“You okay?”

“Oh yeah fine, just a headache. Face too close to the screen,” I say with a smile I hope she is buying.

Better right? I agree.
And the best part, no more edits, or at least not for a while! Dance Party! (unt tsst unt tsst unt tsst...)

Happy Mother's Day to Mommy Writers Everywhere!

Lazy, lazy, repost, lazy...

Marian: "Hello, my name is Marian Vere, and I am a bump on a log."

Fellow bump meeting attendees: "Hello Marian."

Marian: "It has been seven days since I have done anything constructive at all."

Attendees: Supportive applause

Yeah... so I have been basically worthless the past few days, but don't like to go too long without a post, so I thought I would repost one of my older post from the old blog (the original one, not wordpress) that a lot of my readers liked - particularly my YA fans.

Enjoy... again...

*repost*

So I'm in the process of reading the Vampire Academy series by Mead, and I have to say I really like it - and I really didn't think I would. I'm not sure why that was, but it got me to thinking about YA as a genre. It gets a horrible rap that is truly doesn't deserve. Almost every YA review I read goes on and on about how the characters are underdeveloped, and how it's shameful that the heroine thinks about nothing besides he love interest, and how the plot is mind numbing, blah, blah, blah... When the hell did the world start expecting YA literature to be thought provoking and deep?

Take the Twilight series. Yeah, yeah, I know, but the eye roll you probably just gave me is exactly why I chose Twilight. I mean lets face it, that series is the quintessential example of YA for this decade, and it gets ragged on constantly. People seem to expect so much of it simply because it has been such a phenomenon. Is Twilight an intellectually earth shattering gem of the literary universe that has rocked the foundation of the modern world? No. Is it supposed to be? NO! It's supposed to be a story about high schoolers in love. Period. That's all. And considering that, it's pretty damn good. Are the characters deeply developed personalities with thought provoking dreams and aspirations? No. Should they be? NO! These books are about teenagers, who are - for the most part - underdeveloped human beings! They are suppose to be! We all were! Sure, they can be smart, and have dreams and aspirations, but as for life experience, they don't have much. Have you ever seen a teenager in love? That IS all they think about! Young adults want to read about the girl who falls in love with a vampire and lives happily ever after. They don't want the story of the girl who dates a vampire, breaks up with him , dates some more guys, get cheated on, goes to college, get average grades, goes out with a few more guys, graduates, gets married, and lives in middle class suburbia with her husband, kids and dog ever after. That's real life folks, and I don't know about you, but I live my own real life every day! I read to get away form real life! 

My second favorite is when older women complain about the female leads and how all these sort of book do is teach young women that their lives should be all about boys, and nothing else, no goals, blah, blah, blah... All I have to say to that is  - if you are so piss poor at raising your kids that you can't teach them the ways of the world and leave it all up to the books they read and the shows and movies they watch, then that's your fault - not the book's.(or show's or movie's etc.) Kids are not that clueless unless you let them be!

Sure adults may want to read complex novels about real life, focusing on vastly deep characters, and yes, there is a lot of YA out there that has that, but there is also a lot of YA out there like Twilight which is not always going to appeal to the older readers. But lets face it - it's not supposed to appeal to them! It's supposed to appeal to young adults who want to dream about their very own hot vampire swooping in to carry them off to a land of romance, and to anyone else, who enjoys a little easy, entertaining reading.

So all you YA writers out there, keep doing what you do, cuz I'll keep reading!