First off, for those of you don't know, Track Changes are individual marks making me aware of misspelled words, wrong words, wrong punctuation, etc. Comment Bubbles are like Post It notes where Carly would say something like "I think this is in the wrong order", or "I think you should move the scene name here". Just wanted to clarify, as before I started this process I had no idea what either of those things were.
Okay, so here we go:
The manuscript has been back and forth between Carly and I 14 times. (seven on each side)
Over all there have 783 Comment Bubbles and 1,207 Track Changes (yeah)
The word count as gone from 69K to 74K and the chapter count has gone from 19 to 21
It took a while, but I couldn't be more thrilled with the way it has come out.
Just to show you that this has all been absolutely for the best and to give you an idea of what sort of changes I am talking about, I have posted my original first two pages and my first two pages as they stand now. Most of the changes are subtle, but make a world of difference.
I have pasted them below, the original is in Purple and the current version is in Green.
Original Chapter 1
No… no, this can’t be happening. This has to be a dream.
I sit starring blank-faced at the e-mail on the screen in front of me, trying to see past my pulse as it hammers behind my eyes. What started out as just another boring company memo for the Herstein Group, currently has me holding the edges of my desk in a wood splintering, death grip.
I sit starring blank-faced at the e-mail on the screen in front of me, trying to see past my pulse as it hammers behind my eyes. What started out as just another boring company memo for the Herstein Group, currently has me holding the edges of my desk in a wood splintering, death grip.
Group memos like this one find their way into my inbox almost every day, and are typically filled with nothing more than boring office news. An announcement about Sally-so-and-so’s upcoming retirement maybe, or a notice about Joe-shmoe’s birthday next week: nothing unusual or earth shattering. This particular memo started out that way - nothing worth panicking over. Until that is, I arrived at two little words in the second paragraph. Two little words that currently have a chokehold on my throat.
Two little words.
Nicholas Kerkley.
Okay, dream or hallucination? If I’m to be excepted to live through to the end of the day, it has to be one of the two.
We’ll start with dream. That’s easy enough to check, right? I mean if this is a dream, something else crazy will be going on, like one of my coworkers will be Paula Deen from Food Network which, in the universe of my dream, will somehow make perfect sense. Or I’ll open the door to our office and it will lead into my grandma’s house. Then there’s always the ever popular - if not a bit clichéd - ‘I’ll be naked’.
I look around the office - no Paula. The office door is open - no grandma’s house. Last but not least, I glance down at myself, hoping - yes, hoping - to find that I am only wearing underwear, but sadly, find myself fully clothed.
Alight, not a dream.
So much for plan A, but dream or no dream, this still can’t be real. It can’t be. It must be some weird hallucination. I’ll close my eyes, take some deep breaths, count to five, and everything will be fine.
One… (breathe in……………… and out………………)
Maybe it’s the caffeine, I did have way too much this morning…
Two… (in…………… out……………)
I should know better than to order a large when it’s not de-caf!
Three… (in……… out………)
All right, that’s it, no more coffee, starting tomorrow.
Four… (in…… out…… in…… out……)
Please let it be the coffee…
Four and a half… (in… out… in… out… in… out… in… out…)
Dear God, please, please, please…
Five… (in………………………………..........)
…Damn! (out.)
My screen still holds today’s company memo for the Herstein Group, and Nicholas Kerkley is still the only name listed under ‘New Client’.
I lean back in my chair and cover my face with both hands. This can’t be happening. Why would he choose this firm? Does he know I work here? Does he even remember me? After all, it has been over eight years. Dear God… is he married? Does he have kids? Suddenly, this picture pops into my head of him with his arm around some twenty-something, blond haired, blue eyed, beauty queen, as they walk along the beach, with and half a dozen adorable children running around their feet, all of them with her perfect hair and his gorgeous eyes…
“Jules?”
“Hmm?” I snap my head up to see Bree looking at me as though I have a second head.. Only now do I realize I have actually been hunched over in my chair, face buried in my hands, practically hyperventilating.
“You okay?”
“Oh yeah fine, just a headache. Face too close to the screen,” I say with a smile I hope she is buying.
New Chapter 1
I sit staring blank-faced at the e-mail on the screen in front of me, praying I am misreading the first two words in the second paragraph.
Group memos like this one find their way into my inbox almost every day, and are typically filled with nothing more than boring office news. An announcement about Sally-so-and-so’s upcoming retirement maybe, or a notice about Joe-shmoe’s birthday next week: nothing unusual or earth shattering. This particular memo started out that way, nothing worth panicking over. That is until I arrived at the second paragraph and came to the two little words that currently have a chokehold on my throat.
Two. Little. Words.
Nicholas Kerkley.
Okay, dream or hallucination? If I’m to be expected to live through to the end of this email, it has to be one of the two.
We’ll start with dream. That’s easy enough to check, right? I mean if this is a dream something else nonsensical or fantastic will be going on, like one of my coworkers will be Paula Deen from Food Network which, in the universe of my dream, will somehow make perfect sense. Or I’ll open the door to our office and it will lead into my grandma’s kitchen. Then there’s always the ever popular—if not a bit cliché—‘I’ll be naked’.
I look around the office: no Paula. The office door is open: no grandmother’s house. Last but not least, I glance down at myself, hoping—yes, hoping—to find that I am only wearing underwear, but sadly, find myself fully clothed.
All right, not a dream.
So much for Plan A, but dream or no dream, this still can’t be real. It can’t be. It must be some weird hallucination. I’ll close my eyes, take some deep breaths, count to five, and everything will be fine.
One… (breathe in… 2… 3… 4… and out… 2… 3… 4…)
Maybe it’s the caffeine, I did have way too much this morning…
Two… (in… 2… 3… 4… out… 2… 3… 4…)
I should know better than to order a large when it’s not decaf!
Three… (in… 2…3… out… 2… 3…)
All right, that’s it, no more coffee, starting tomorrow.
Four… (in… out… in… out…)
Please let it be the coffee…
Four and a half… (in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out…)
Dear God, please, please, please…
Five… (in…)
…Damn! (out.)
My screen still holds today’s company memo for the Herstein Group, and Nicholas Kerkley is still the only name listed under ‘New Client’.
I lean back in my chair and cover my face with both hands. This can’t be happening. Why would he choose this firm? Does he know I work here? Does he even remember me? After all, it has been over eight years. Dear God… is he married? Does he have kids? Suddenly, this picture pops into my head of him with his arm around some twenty-something, blond-haired, blue-eyed, beauty queen as they walk along the beach with half a dozen adorable children running around their feet. All of them with her perfect hair and his gorgeous eyes…
“Jules?”
“Hmm?” I snap my head up to see Bree looking at me as though I have a second head. Only now do I realize I have actually been hunched over in my chair, face buried in my hands, practically hyperventilating.
“You okay?”
“Oh yeah fine, just a headache. Face too close to the screen,” I say with a smile I hope she is buying.
Better right? I agree.
And the best part, no more edits, or at least not for a while! Dance Party! (unt tsst unt tsst unt tsst...)
Wow, that all made such a huge difference! It was not one or two big things just a bunch a little things, but it gave it such refinement!
ReplyDeleteNow I want the rest! Who is this guy? Did he dump her? I bet he dumped her! :)
Haha! Nope, he didn't dump her. Good guess though.
ReplyDelete:)