1.) Do not leave your flip -flops in the car saying, "Oh, I won't need them, these shoes aren't that bad, I'm sure I'll be fine until I get back to the car," only to leave the courthouse two and a half hours later limping, cursing, and bleeding.
2.) Do not arrive an hour before your scheduled time thinking you will be the first one there and will thereby be one of the first called. You will be the first one there, however you will not be able to check in until ten minutes before your scheduled time, at which point everyone who arrived after you will rush the door forcing you to the back of the line. Then, when you are finally checked in, you discover that it didn't matter an any case, because they are calling cases in alphabetical order!
3.) Do not offer your seat on the only bench in the hall to the pregnant lady who just walked in, because she will graciously decline, and while you are up asking her if she would like the seat, some thirty something year old jerk-wad, who wears ripped jeans and a dirty baseball cap to court, will steal it for himself.
4.) Do not tell the Judge that something is "None of your business," or you will get thrown out of court and fined. (That one wasn't me.)
5.) If you are driving a car and the seat belt is cutting painfully into your neck because the seat isn't adjusted properly, do not loop the belt under your left elbow, or you will get a ticket and have to spend half your day in court. Meh.
And what happened, you ask, when the big moment rolled around and I was finally called up before the Judge? Well I'll tell you. It went like this...
Clerk: Marian Vere
I walk to the podium.
Judge: (to me)Ms. Vere, this is a seat belt charge. (to the prosecutor)Any priors?
Judge: Wear your seat belt. Charges dismissed.